Feeling
by Kalimac
Summary: How must it feel, to be cursed? One shot. Complete.


_Author's Note: This wasn't written by me, but by a friend of mine. She wanted me to put it up on here under my account to see what sort of feedback she'd get, so if you read this, PLEASE review: it only takes a minute! I personally think this is really good, and I hope everyone else does too._

_Disclaimer: Disney owns it all. Fran wrote this._

_Warning: Pintel/Ragetti slash, but so mild you have to really, really squint to see it. If you don't like that kind of thing, it's probably not even there._

**Feeling**

I don' really remember when we first figured we was cursed. I mean, we knew the stories an' all- I remember me Rags was a bit worried, cause 'e loves ol' tales an' all, an' 'e knows it's a bad idea not ter take 'em seriously. We all know that now, o' course, an' Rags could come out an' say 'e told us so, but he don't. 'E went along wif it in the end, an' knows 'e's as much ter blame as any of us. 'S a pity Bill never thought like that, never thought that 'e were to blame too, afore 'e went an' condemned us all.

But bein' cursed… I don' remember quite when it set in, I jus' remember getting' back ter the _Pearl _after spending' the last o' the coins, an' the crew was all laughin' and jokin' about, an' Barbossa was looking' all pleased wif 'imself, but I didn' feel right. I couldn' put me finger on it, but Rags, 'e were bein' all quiet like as well, so I guess 'e felt the same. It were like I didn' feel I 'ad anythin' ter laugh about, an' I felt numb. I was an' idiot, thinkin' I were jus' tired, or cold, though I fink I knew deep down it were nothin' like that.

But it were that night, most of us were on deck, an' the moon came out from behind them clouds… Lor', I can remember it clear as day. I still dream about it, wake up sweatin' and shakin', seein' all the skin an' flesh wiped clean off'f everyone as though the moonlight were washin' it away like a tide washes blood from the deck. It didn' occur ter me ter check if it'd 'appened ter me fer a while: I was jus' lookin' at Rags, 'im who I know better'n meself, me best mate in all the seven seas, and suddenly 'e were a rottin', undead monster, 'is skull shinin' stark white under the moon, decayin' skin still clingin' ter the bone in a mockery o' what 'ad just been wiped away. It was starin' at me in horror, Rags' eye wide in tha' creature's face, an' on'y when 'e started ter back away did I looked down.

Sounds weird ter think it now, but it were worse seein' it 'appen ter Rags: I knew 'is face, 'e was the only person who meant somethin'- me own appearance meant nothing' ter me. But that didn' stop me throat twistin' in horror when I looked at me hands, normally all thick an' rough, now jus' bone… I don' remember much after that: everythin' started ter spin, the ship, the ocean, the sky, the world, it were all full o' monster's, hated images o' men I'd known, fallin' ter their knees, desperate, mad, terrified, prayin' an' beggin'. But I couldn' scream, I couldn' yell, I could only stand, frightened an' shakin', me mind blank, listenin' fer the scared beat o' me heart that wouldn' come…

Then a scream ripped through everyone, an' next ter me Rags fell ter 'is knees, them rottin' hands grippin' 'is hair as he screamed an' screamed. That was what brought me ter me senses- long as I can remember I've looked after Rags, an' it were something' ter cling to then, one scrap o' normal fer me ter hang onto. I went ter Rags, kneelin' down next ter him. Movin' was weird, like ye weren' as weighed down, ye moved quick an' quiet as cats. I didn'fink about it then, jus' knelt down next yer Rags as 'e screamed, an' I did the on'y thing I could. I grabbed 'is shoulders an' shook 'im as hard as I could; 'is head snapped back and forward, and 'is eye flew outta it's socket, but I didn' care, if only 'e'd stop screamin'.

'E did stop pretty quick, starin' at me an' knowin' I was as scared as 'e was, an' then he moved an' buried 'is head in me chest. Oh Gods, that's when it hit me, what 'ad 'appened. That moment was like someone reachin' down deep inside and grabbin' a hold o' something' so special an' private I wasn' even aware of it, and twistin' it wif all their might: I couldn' feel anything', not the warmth o' Rags next ter me, not the way 'is hair rubs against my face, on'y a raw sort o' knowin' that we was holdin' on ter each other wif all the strength we had, shakin' wif the force of it, pain and fear fillin' up inside, wishin' we could jus' cry an' cry an' make it go away, but there was no tears, there was no nothing', just an' empty nothing' inside, hurtin' more'n I thought anythin' ever could.

We pulled away pretty quick, couldn' stand the feelin' of not feelin', an' I noticed fer the firs' time that the wind was blowin' but it seemed ter be goin' round me, avoidin' me, as though it were too disgusted ter want ter touch what I'd become.

We got used ter it, as much as anyone could get used ter something' like that. Got used ter not touchin', ter keeping' everythin' bottled up, not screamin' or runnin' and hidin', keeping' going, wif only one hope ter hold on to- that one day we wouldn' be cursed no more an' we'd be free men. But sometimes, lost at sea, when you ain't seen hide nor hair of a coin fer weeks, months years… well, ye've got ter wonder, maybe hope doesn' want ter touch monsters neither.


End file.
